The difference between women and men can be huge when it comes to using the bathroom in the wilderness. On one hand men can just unzip and take a leak pretty much wherever they decide is perfect. Woman have to prepare!!!… Remove or pull down most ‘lower’ clothing and squat for an uncomfortable amount of time. So what about the dreaded bathroom visit?? The number 2?
Depending on the location the rules are pretty much the same everywhere. Having knowledge on going relieving yourself in public can make the whole thing less daunting. I have taken it upon myself to categorise all the common places, along with ‘how to’ to give you more confidence when squirming.
Number 1 = wee wee
Number 2 = Dookie
On the beach
(Number 1) General rules for the beach are mainly common sense. If you need to urinate and find yourself too far away from public restrooms don’t hesitate. Knowledge is key. For urination you should search for a secluded area where no one can see you. Usually within long grass, behind trees, even behind your own makeshift tent or vehicle. These are good areas to sneak off to wee. If you can’t spend time searching but desperately need to ‘go now’ take a short walk out into the sea, Staying about waist height will do the trick. Move about as you relive yourself as not to draw any unwanted attention. This only works for pee pee. Don’t go and take a dookie in the sea. People will notice. If this is still not good enough and you don’t feel you can walk without bursting. Dig a hole in the area you are sitting. Make sure to make it deep enough. Put obstacles around the hole for privacy and squat to go, Once finished, re-fill the hole and act like it never happened. For men the dynamics are slightly easier to hide. Same again, dig a deep-ish hole, lay on your tummy with your ‘Thingy’ poking out of your shorts and into the hole, do your stuff, then fill in the hole. Easy as putting socks on 😉 You can also purchase travel pee containers for men and women that may be an option if you are worried.
(Number 2) I don’t think it is very ladylike to dig out a hole and (drop one) on the beach but sometimes you cannot hold back what mother nature is giving you… The urge!! I have been very lucky to have never experience this one myself but my friend, (my sister from another mister) travels a lot and she tells a story about camping on a beach in her tent set-up and due to the embarrassing situation she was in she had to leave the tent in the dark, dig a hole and do her business. She laughs about it now but at the time she said she was tempted to walk home and never return to her friends in the tent. Some dire situations can call for creative thinking. If traveling alone (like myself) you can use portaloo’s that are basically a toilet bucket. You pop them in your tent or vehicle and go as you please. These are brilliant and usually only need emptying every two days. The hole digging is by far the most common way of doing business on beaches without any other option. Please be aware that this should only be a last resort on beach sites that are not walked on regularly, always walk further up the bank. Also you Must… Must… Must dig the hole DEEP in order to burry the muck deeper… Don’t let a poor unsuspecting kid dig up your deposit and make mud cakes for the family… Yuck!
On a campsite
(Number 1) I travel alone (I may of mentioned), Often finding myself questioned by every Tom dick and Harry about my safety. But to be honest, The only time my guard is slightly down is when I am going wee wee. This response usually shocks the older people that ask me questions. But generally speaking, The same goes as the beach trip, Use public toilets when available, always layer the seat with tissue first because… Eww. You can overcome this by purchasing a shewe so you can pee anywhere you like! They are one of man kinds greatest inventions. If you are like me and have to wipe on every pee trip, Don’t just throw your tissue on the ground, pop it in a baby bag or dog poo bag and dispose of it in the correct manner. Don’t be a litter bug ❤️
(Number 2) generally speaking campsites have bathrooms for both women and men but what if… For some crazy reason, the bathrooms are locked?? Closed down?? Not there anymore?? Well you may be in a spot of bother. Check before you arrive that all communal bathrooms are in running order, it’s not a daft question at all, It avoids you squatting outside, ripping cloth whilst straining at 2 in the morning waking up the whole campsite, alarmed thinking aliens are invading and abducting the campsites customers 👽 They may not be happy to gaze through their tents or camper vans to see you sweating from the forehead. If need be, pack a bucket with an airtight lid and dispose of it in the morning in the communal waste deposit. Remember your tissue!! It would be just as weird doing the ‘dog with worms’ butt shuffle across the public AstroTurf.
In the woods
(number 1) okay this is some advice you’ll never get because everyone says the same thing about doing your business in the woods “Just go behind a tree” “there is no one around” I mean like… Wait up!… Who is getting out of their tent in the middle of the night to walk behind a tree to use the toilet! Absolutely no one! You wouldn’t even make it to the tree before peeing yourself with ever tree branch clicking and snapping, owls hooting and wildlife tooting. Let’s get real. I am not ashamed to admit, A few times I have had to pee in a tent (not literally in the corner like a hamster in a cage) but using a makeshift shallow bucket with a soft seat on top. You can literally sit in the middle of the tent and do your business. I personally unzip the tent straight after and tip the bucket out because I can usually see with the fire outside still burning. But if you don’t feel like doing that, you should definitely invest in a airtight lid for the morning. Men can use bottles as the screw cap lid generally keeps in all the smell… Just make sure not to have a swig first thing in the morning before your eyes fully wake!. Day time peeing is basically the same as all the other points made in this list. Be be careful when squatting, some stingy nettles may be lurking.
(Number 2) Doing your poos in the woods can be a tricky one after sundown. Are you sharing a tent?? In that moment you will be wishing you were alone. So the bucket method is a good one and one many people use, it resembles the closet thing you have to a toilet and does the job. Just don’t forget the bleach and airtight lid!!!… So you’ve forgotten your bucket and turtle-heading…?? Help!. Okay so you could take a walk outside the tent and find a good spot to drop one, Or build a makeshift toilet in your tent. Does this tent mean something to you? If you are slugging it and don’t mind a rip, Carefully rip a hole in the floor of your tent. Using a small pocket knife, spade, shovel or large spoon, dig a deep-ish hole into the mud. It helps to keep the excess dirt to one side (to refill the hole) when you feel the hole is deep enough, Squat or sit over the hole and do your business, pop all tissue paper in a bag for the bin (Don’t burry it as animals will dig it up) re-fill the hole. If you have cut a square flap in the floor of your tent, Place it over the mud, If not cover with a blanket and sleep off your shame. The same rules apply with tissue paper, Its best not to Bury it. If you have a really expensive tent, a rented tent of just don’t want to cut the floor of your tent you can make a DIY toilet out of rolled up plastic bags, Turn the edges of the bags to make a bucket shape, Squat and drop! It helps to hold your balance, You wouldn’t want to fall back and end up sitting in your own #@%&. Tie the bag all tighty tight and you are done. Be aware of bags with suffocation prevention holes, you really wouldn’t want that in your tent 😬
At the side of the road
(Number 1) This may be the most crowded place to use the bathroom, With the amount of cars that may be passing, houses to spot you or even walkers, So keep a cool head. We all do it! Men can find a short sneak off to a more ‘hidden’ location pretty easy, women on the other hand have to find a quiet place to squat and bare all. For some very strange reason it is more acceptable for a man to pee in public rather than a woman. But luckily, on the market you can buy devices that help women pee in public, standing up and everything!! So ladies and gents, to pee at the side of the road when pulled over for the night, look out for on looking buildings, traffic, CCTV cameras and people. Use a shewe device or bottle. Maybe check your mobile device for any local 24 hour shops or public toilets, You may get lucky to find a shop close by.
(Number 2) Dropping a number 2 at the side of the road is something you read about in the news. Try your very best to avoid this at all costs. “Well dogs do it” sit down Timmy!! The law will sting you heavily if you get caught dropping a pound. So how to avoid it? One way to avoid getting in trouble is to hide it well, Why suspect you are making your ass cakes, Give no reason. So first off, search for any place anyone could possibly see you, take your time and be aware of every nook and cranny. Find a location where you can stay still for a while without traffic passing, people walking or even houses watching. Spend a good five minutes ‘tying your shoelace in the chosen location, Crouching down. Now at this new angle, Search around again for any visual. If not, Wait for a quiet moment and drop your kegs! Another brilliant method that I saw once was this guy beside the road on a car park. I was at one side and he was with his friends across the other. While his friends were smoking, listening to music and hanging out at the front of the car, He was at the back squatting taking a poo. I couldn’t believe how brave or daft he was doing it on a car park in the middle of the day. Afterwards I realised, because his friends caused such a diversion, people wouldn’t of seen him, And due to them being in numbers, people wouldn’t stare long enough to really notice him. I only noticed because I was alone and taking a mental photo of them for my of safety.
Car Or Camper / Terrible Weather
(Number 1) This one relates to me the most, I live out of my car months out of the year, Occasionally the van but I prefer the car until the new van is complete. This purely by choice. Putting aside motorway services or public bathrooms, where else can you go wee wee? In a camper you can use a make shift a toilet (as mentioned a lot in this blog) the bucket works wonders, but could also use the other methods in this diary to your advantage. A car has a lot less space to urinate and the fear of spilling over the car seats is a real fear. Many devices are now sold on the online market so get searching! Use keywords like “portable loo” or “travel toilet” you will be happy to see the vast range of affordable options. If you are stuck in the dark in need of a wee and would rather not leave the vehicle, try your very best to use a portable pee pot or make your own. Make sure it is sealed tight after use and disinfected after every use to avoid contamination, germs and smells.
(Number 2) Amazon is currently selling a camping portable toilet with a flush. This thing is state of the art! At a reasonable price it may be worth the investment for any camper / day van. A car on the other hand can be tricky! Who wants to poo in their car?? This just doesn’t have the best plan in mind! We’ll if you are caught short and need to go!! Grab a couple of plastic bags, roll the edges to make a DIY toilet bowl, with your feet on the car floor place the bag on the seat, Relax… Wipe, tie the bag. Put the bag in a bag, then another bag, and another bag and another bag. Then sanitise your hands about 30 times. This option should be only really uses in a dia emergency! Maybe pack some anti-kak just in case you are caught with dribbly bum.
Generally speaking, camping or travelling is fun and this toileting issues never haunts you after the second day, You will adapt to any change. As humans we are remarkable at adapting to new situations. One of my longest trips was a 7 week explore around some of the coasts of Great Britain, When I look back on the photographs I don’t remember the struggle straight away, it gets fussy, but the true enjoyment stays vivid. You will be more focused on what you have to experience, what amazing things you get to see and do tomorrow. My best advice to anyone hitting the road would be enjoy, Don’t take it too seriously and have fun 😍
You can purchase all your needs from many stores, Shopping online seems to be the most popular. Have a Google on your current location for travel (adventure stores) many of these have toileting needs for sale. Some big supermarkets also stock basic accessories. If shopping online is what your prefer check out amazon, eBay Google camping stores. Just make sure you have a home address for delivery that a good friend or family can take in your parcel for you, Swing by and you are complete! Sometimes hotels or BnB’s can also take in parcels.
Just to help anyone in need of a quick search online, I’ve used amazon with links, Pictures and a quick description 🥰
Current price £10.99
Usually made from strong silicone, These are easy clean, hard wearing and amazingly popular! It’s a must 😄
Current price £15.95
I’ve not mentioned these in the blog but as an option, Not at all crazy! They come in various sizes, and even styles.
Current Price £62.79
My favourite choice! These work just like regular toilets. Basically a glamorous potty. Highly recommended!
Current Price £29.99
As I mentioned a bucket, This is the upgrade version to that. Not as good as the portaloo but still brilliant! Easy to clean and store.
Current Price £10
Very much like the shewe but as a bottle. These are unisex, easy clean, portable, simple to use and highly affordable.
I think this just about wraps up this article. Thank you for reading! I hope you found some helpful advice 🥰
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